Twas the night before Christmas and all was silent, except for the whooping as I reach 121.5kg. Hey a half a kilo is a half a kilo! And for all you American cousins reading my blog – this is around 1.1lbs. But look it was a downwards move on the scales so my mood is upwards. Well it is as far as my weight is concerned. My concerns over my work mean I face the mortal enemy of fataholics across the planet, the mood-swing-munchies! I get depressed over my margins and the next thing I know my hand is automatically reaching out for peanuts/chips/cake/burgers/chicken/curry etc etc I am sure you can add your own version if i didn’t list it.
So what on earth am I doing about the mood swings? Well nothing I can do about it. I am not omnipotent, omnipresent nor omniscient so there is nothing to be done but sit and wait for it to pass. It will, I am sure it will because I remember days when my mood was lighter and my affinity for chips was less resonant on my mind.
I am doing a thing called “stuffing”. I have no idea what a psychiatrist might call it but I call it “stuffing”. Basically I am finding things which are incredibly low in fat (and often calories, but I pay less attention to that) and I gorge on it. Right now I have had no breakfast and for lunch I had a chicken salad sandwich at 3.6g of fat followed by a short tuna sandwich at 4.3g of fat. I have had a fat-free Muller yoghurt and am 1/3rd of the way through a bag of red seedless grapes. This will allow me to feel less like being bad because my body is on the verge of puking so I don’t get cravings.
Does that shock you? It doesn’t shock me. I live with these feelings every day. I don’t normally rationalise them the way I have been in this blog, which I have to say is becoming quite cathartic.
Let’s see when did I last do this? Why just last night I gorged on satsumas. Prior to this it could be Sugar Snap Peas, Mangetout, Kholrabi, Boiled Potato, Baked Beans, anything low in fat. I am finding it means I don’t have to face the bigger fear which is how I will feel emotionally if I don’t get the thump in my belly that I need to feel full.
Do you know what thump I’m talking about? Those who said no, be quiet and listen, those of you who said yes – you need to start talking out loud about your problem. You, my friend are a fataholic
I am a recovering fataholic who is on a “paying attention” food intake change. I am not dieting. I am paying attention. No food is taboo. I bought some cakes from Tesco a few days back. They are to replace my empty plate when everybody else is sharing the proper Christmas cake. Mine are Lemon Drizzle and Carrot Cake and they look properly nice but have a miniscule amount of fat per slice. I have stocked up on frozen yoghurt too – just in case.
I will allow myself one chocolate and one other fat laden treat. A Christmas Turkey Dinner. But I am planning to control that portion and switch to a low fat food as soon after as is possible to control. Grapes? Melon? Satsumas?
Who knows. Just as long as I am trying to pay attention. That’s the key to not being a fatty over Christmas.
To all my friends, Merry Christmas
To all you fatties – “PAY ATTENTION” to what you are putting in your orifice, your pie hole.